


I'll Be Your Light

by simplicity_itself



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Cancer, Coming Out, Crying, M/M, Sexual Content, Sick Harry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-17
Updated: 2015-12-17
Packaged: 2018-05-07 05:20:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5444699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/simplicity_itself/pseuds/simplicity_itself
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry has cancer. Louis tries to cope.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'll Be Your Light

**Author's Note:**

> Quick note- as per the tags, there is a mention of mpreg. That occurs in this chapter, and is only relevant & referenced in this chapter (mainly as a plot device).

"Harry?" Louis called as he stepped inside the front door. Normally Harry would be cooking dinner at this time. As it was, there weren't even any lights on in the front half of their house or the hallway leading to the kitchen, much less the scent of dinner wafting down the foyer.

  
"Harry?" Louis called again, worry tinging his voice. Harry always answered him when he got home (usually with a blowjob but right now Louis would be happy with just a simple "hey babe!")

  
Louis's stomach turned as he raced toward their bedroom. The door was closed. Louis threw his weight against it and burst into their room. It was dark. His heart shot up into his throat, beating a thousand times a minute. The door to the bathroom was cracked slightly. Louis banged it open, startling Harry who sat on top of the counter clutching something to his chest. Tears sprung to Harry’s eyes and he shook his head at Louis.

  
"Harry," Louis breathed, "Are you okay?"

  
Harry just shook, his entire body overcome by tremors. Louis moved to take him in his arms. They remained like that for a few moments; Harry leaning into Louis's firm, comforting hug while still sitting on the counter. His long bandy legs wrapped around Louis's waist.

  
"What's wrong love?" Louis finally whispered. Harry just shook his head.

  
"Harry," Louis pleaded and pulled back from where he'd buried his head in the crook of Harry's neck. "Look at me,"  
Harry shook his head once more and more tears gushed out.

  
"Are you hurt?" Louis questioned. His heart was still galloping along at a pace entirely too fast to be healthy. He didn’t know what was going on at all.

Harry finally withdrew his arms from his chest and held out a slim white piece of plastic. Louis cocked his head in confusion then the realization hit him and he groaned. They had gotten spectacularly drunk last night with the lads and this morning woke up to a pregnancy test on the kitchen counter. Apparently while on their 3 a.m. donuts run, Liam and Harry had also swung by the store and bought a pregnancy test, for Lord only knows what reason.

  
"Lou-" Harry began but Louis cut him off.

  
"Harry I'm sorry. I really truly am. But you and I both know that _you_ knew that pregnancy test was going to be negative. I don’t even know why you bought it last night, much less used it today. I know you want a baby- babies- but we aren’t even out yet remember? So even if you were pregnant somehow, how would we explain it? I promise you that as soon as we are able, we will give Brad and Angie a run for their money but for now-” Louis’s tangent was abruptly interrupted. 

  
"Louis," Harry said hoarsely, "I am,"

  
"You're what?" Louis took a deep breath in an attempt to calm himself.

  
"Two lines," Harry mumbled and prodded the stick towards Louis.

  
"What are you talking about?" Louis sighed.

  
"There's... Two..." Harry repeated softly.

  
Louis resisted the urge to groan once more and took a closer look at the test.

  
"Yes I can see. There's two lines which means..." He trailed off as he read the key.

  
_One line- not pregnant  
Two lines-pregnant_

  
"What the fuck?" Louis whispered. He snapped his head up to look at Harry.

  
"I don't..." Harry shrugged. Then he laughed and more tears -happy tears, Louis realizes- spilled from his eyes. "We're going to have a baby Lou. It's a miracle,"

  
Louis was dumbstruck. This made absolutely no sense. Harry was /male/. He didn't have the ability to get pregnant. What was going on? A realization hit Louis and it was like a bucket of ice water had been dumped on him.

  
"Babe... These things are wrong sometimes," he said carefully, "My mum had a false positive one time,"

  
Harry shook his head earnestly.

  
"Not six times," he said.

Louis blinked.

"You've taken six pregnancy tests," he deadpanned.

Harry nodded, “I went to the store after the first one because I thought so too. I thought it could’ve been wrong. But it wasn’t,”

Louis covered his face with his hands as he tried to collect himself. This was impossible. This could not happen. For starters, Harry shouldn't even be able to get pregnant. Second, how were they going to explain this to anybody? Management, fans, their families? What the ever-loving _fuck_ was going on? Harry can't be pregnant. How would he deliver a baby? Scratch that, how did the baby even happen? Sperm and egg made a baby, not sperm and sperm. Realizing Harry was still sitting in front of him awaiting a response, Louis took a deep breath and came out from behind his hands. He plastered a smile on his face.

"That's amazing. I've got no idea how it's happened but it's incredible," he said.

Harry lit up.

"Really?" He pressed.

"Really. I love you," Louis leaned in and kissed Harry's forehead.

"I love you too," Harry wrapped himself around Louis again. "We need to make a doctor's appointment and have blood-work done," he continued, "So we can make sure the baby is healthy and I can get prenatal vitamins," Louis nodded numbly. They weren't even out to the general public. How were they going to explain that Harry was pregnant? _"Oh yeah me and H and have been in a closeted relationship for the past five years and by the way I've managed to knock him up! Thanks for all your support we love the fans!"_

Yeah.

That would go over well.

"I'm going to, er, pick up dinner. In celebration," Louis said awkwardly as he detached from the hug. "I'll go to that little Italian place you like,"

"Okay," Harry grinned and kissed him. "I love you,"

"Love you too," Louis murmured. As soon as he was in his car he dialed his mum. In the back of his mind he knew that with the time difference between Los Angeles and London she could very well be asleep but he prayed she was still awake or at least that she would answer.

The dial tone beeped four times before a very sleepy, "Hullo?" answered.

"Mum," Louis let out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding.

"Hello love," she greeted, "Why've you rung me so late?" She asked.

"Harry's pregnant," he blurted. "I mean he took like six at home pregnancy tests and they all came back positive," he explained.

"What?" Jay asked confusedly.

"I don't know," Louis whispered. "I'm scared,"

"Louis there's no way he can be pregnant," she said firmly.

"I know. Then why would the tests come back positive?" He asked.

"I don't know. He definitely needs to see a physician though," she replied.

"I'm pretty sure he's already scheduled an appointment," Louis said.

"Well that's good. You'll be able to figure out what's going on. It could always be a defect in the pregnancy tests," she suggested.

"Yeah that's what I think it is too. Six times. I just don't know how I'm going to keep him together when the doctor says he's not really pregnant. He's so happy Mum. He's going to be absolutely crushed," Louis said.

"I know love, but he has to know somewhere in his mind that it's not real," she assured.

"That's just it, I think he wants it so badly that he believes it's actually happened. That it's a miracle," Louis explained.

"You'll get through it," Jay assured, "Call me tomorrow,"

"Alright mum will do," Louis said and ended the call. He ran his fingers through his hair. Italian food. Must get Italian food to celebrate the undoubtedly falsely positive pregnancy tests. Must celebrate one last time before Harry gets broken, possibly beyond repair. Louis hit his head against the steering wheel then started the car.

 

* * *

  
"You're making me nauseous," Harry stated. They were sitting in the waiting room before his doctor appointment and Louis was jiggling his leg uncontrollably.

"Hmm?" Louis wondered absentmindedly but didn't stop the anxious up-and-down of his right leg.

"Stop moving," Harry rested his hand on Louis's thigh.

"Oh," Louis shook his head in an attempt to escape his trance.

"It's okay," Harry smiled gently, "I know you're nervous. But everything's going to be okay. You'll see. The baby is going to be healthy and it's going to be okay," Harry intertwined his fingers with Louis's and kissed the top of his hand.

"Right," Louis agreed and managed a half-hearted smile.

Harry rested his head on Louis's shoulder and placed his free hand on his stomach, "Daddy's nervous but we'll be okay, won't we baby?"  
Now Louis was the one who felt nauseous. Luckily he was saved from Harry talking even more to the undoubtedly non-existent fetus by the nurse who called Harry's name. Harry bolted to his feet with a thousand watt grin while Louis numbly stood beside him.  
The nurse smiled and led them back to an examination room.

"I'm going to take some blood and check your heart rate and blood pressure then Doctor Price will be in to see you," she informed. Harry nodded. Louis resisted the urge to cry. In a few minutes when the blood work came back with the indisputable result that Harry wasn't pregnant... Well Louis still wasn't sure how he was going to handle it.

The nurse made quick work of taking the vials of blood and checking Harry's vitals. She left with a cheerful, "She'll be in shortly with the results."  
Louis gripped the armrest of his chair so tightly his knuckles turned white. Harry glowed.  
Entirely too soon Doctor Price entered the room. Her expression was very carefully reserved as she introduced herself to Harry and Louis.

"I've got your results here. They're... Not exactly what I expected," she started, "Can you tell me what brought you in today?" she asked Harry. A feeling of uneasiness settled in Louis’s gut.

"I know it sounds crazy but I took six home pregnancy tests and they all came back positive," Harry beamed, "It should be impossible but it's not. It's a miracle. Our miracle," Harry reached his hand out to Louis who obligingly rose from his seat and walked over to take his hand. He forced a weak grin onto his face.

"Well..." Dr. Price looked at Louis. She could tell that he knew what Harry said wasn't true. "Do you know how pregnancy tests work?" She asked carefully.

Harry scrunched his eyebrows together. "Like technically? No,"

Dr. Price explained that they react to a certain hormone that gets produced when a woman is pregnant. And only women.

"I've never heard of that," Harry argued. His breathing was becoming shallow.

"Harry. This is incredibly difficult for me to tell you," Dr. Price began but Harry cut her off with a panicky, "No!"

"Harry," Louis said quietly and held his arms by his side.

"I am so sorry to have to be the one to tell you this. But you're not pregnant. The tests reacted because you have testicular cancer," she informed solemnly.

"Cancer?" Louis breathed. That was the absolute last thing he expected to hear.

"I'm very sorry," she repeated.

"So like.. I got cancer and it killed the baby? I miscarried?" Harry's lower lip trembled.

"Oh... there was never a baby. Surely you know that. You physically cannot get pregnant," Dr. Price said with a pained expression.

Harry choked as he dragged in a ragged breath.

"Haz breathe," Louis said calmly, even though calm was the very last thing he felt at the moment. Harry had cancer. His world had stopped turning. 

Harry didn't listen. His breathing became even shallower as he grew more and more distraught.

"Louis I'm sorry," he gasped, clutching onto the sides of the table, "I'm going to die," Harry sobbed, "I'm sorry,"

"No you're not," Louis's voice was strained. Cancer kills, he thought against his will.

"Louis-" Harry gasped and fumbled to put his arms around Louis.

"Here," Dr. Price lifted a clear mask over Harry's head, slipping the strap behind his head.

"Take deep breaths," she instructed.

"No!" Harry shouted and tried to push her off.

"Harry, it’s oxygen. You need to breathe or you're going to pass out," she said firmly.

"Lou I don't want it," he cried, "Make her stop. Let me go,"

Louis lost it at that point. What Harry was really saying was let him pass out to escape this suddenly horrible reality. He sunk onto the floor and put his head between his knees as he started to cry too. Harry, his Harry, had cancer and there was nothing he could do about. He might be able to be cured but maybe not. He could die. Oh God, Louis couldn't breathe. Harry had to be okay. He had to. He could hear Harry yelling at the doctor as she tried to calm him but Louis was getting lightheaded and having tunnel vision. His body felt numb. The last thought going through his mind before he blacked out was: _On the bright side cancer is easier to break to the public than pregnancy_.

 

* * *

 

Louis awoke to a horrible smell.

"Gahh!" He pulled away from the source as fast as possible. "What is that?" He demanded.

"Smelling salts," the man leaning over him explained.

Louis quickly pushed himself into a sitting position as he tried to put together where he was. 

"Relax, Mr. Tomlinson. I'm a nurse. Quentin," he held out his hand.

  
Suddenly everything came rushing back to Louis. "Harry!" He exclaimed, "Where's Harry? Is he okay?" He demanded frantically. He gripped the front of Quentin's shirt.

"Relax," Quentin repeated soothingly, "He's fine. He's been sedated. He had a really big panic attack,"

Louis felt woozy. "Am I okay?" He asked.

"Should be. Didn't hit your head when you passed out. I've just got to check some basics vitals and then I'll take you to see him," Quentin informed.  
Louis nodded in agreement. When Quentin finished his examination, he led Louis from the original room he and Harry had been in and down the hall to a different wing of the building. After what felt like ages, Quentin opened the door to a much larger room than the previous exam room. Harry slept soundly in a hospital bed. He was hooked up to an IV drip.

  
"He should be asleep for about another hour," Quentin said, "If anything happens, here's the nurse call button. Do you want to be alone with him when he wakes up? Or I can have Dr. Price come back in to be with you,"

  
Louis thought about it for a minute before he answered. "I think it'd be best to just be the two of us," Quentin nodded and exited. 

Louis slowly crossed the room to stand next to Harry. Faint tear marks still shone on his cheeks. "I'm so sorry baby," he murmured and pressed a kiss to his forehead. Louis pulled a chair up to the side of Harry's bed and sat down. He took Harry's left hand in both of his and let out a shaky breath. He had less than an hour before Harry would be awake. He knew he should call somebody. Multiple people, really. Harry's mum, his mum, the lads, management... The list went on. And yet the only person Louis ended up calling was Irving Azoff.

"Azoff speaking," the older man answered.

"It's Louis Tomlinson," Louis said, bypassing even a proper greeting of hello.

"Oh. Hello Louis. This is unexpected. What's up?" Azoff replied smoothly.

"Um. I don't… Shit. Sorry. I called you because we're in a... A really fucked situation and I know you're in L.A. and Harry trusts you and so that means I do and I know we've only met like once and not talked a lot but I just need help," he said shakily.

  
"Louis is everything okay? What's wrong?" Azoff asked concernedly.

  
"Harry has cancer," a tear slipped down his cheek.

  
"What?" He sounded perplexed.

  
"I'm with him at that private medical center east of Beverly Hills. You're the only one who knows. Please..." Louis didn't know what exactly he was pleading for.

"I've got you covered. Don't worry about anything but H for now. I'll call you later tonight," Azoff spoke so assuredly. He knew exactly what to do and how to do it.

"Thank you," Louis mumbled.

 

"Hang in there," the older man said, "H is like one of my sons. I’m not gonna let anything happen to him or you," Louis nodded, silent tears streaming down his face. Without further prompting Azoff continued. "I'm going to go now and get the ball rolling on some things. I'll let Magee and Griffiths know about this so you don't have to deal with them,"

 

Louis chuckled meekly. 

 

"And Louis? I'm sorry,"

Louis didn't say anything. He disconnected the call and fought the urge to throw his phone at the wall. There was nothing to do now but wait.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! Thank you so much for reading! I will be updating every week. Please leave comments/kudos and if there are any inaccuracies in my medical knowledge, let me know! Google can only teach me so much. Thank you sugarplums!


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